Gandalfs version of LOTR
by tbird09
Summary: This is focused on the REAL Gandalf. So REVIEV REVIEV REVIEV PLEASE!
1. Default Chapter

The Gandalf Version of LOTR  
  
N/A I'm all 4 gay rights, and animal rights, and woman's rights, big fiery eye rights(except when they try to take over middle earth,) SO MANY RIGHTS 'starts twitching' so if anybody finds this story offensive tell me on my e-mail and/or on the REVIEW and I'll say I'm sorry and laugh at you!  
Disclaimer: I own nothing SO YOU CA-AN'T SUE ME NANNY NANNY BOO BOO  
  
*REVIEW THE STORY *PLEASE!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Gandalf sighed he was riding on Shadowfax's back, he missed the hobbits and Aragorn. He ESPECIALLY missed the hobbits, sick old man. Anyway, he was riding to too a fun-house, no not really, it just my sad attempt to be funny. I feel sorry for all you reading my story, I have writers block, sorry!!!  
Back to the story, he missed the hobbits but he wasn't desperate, because he was on an important mission, to warn the guy that he should've know was evil cause he had weird fingernails-I mean COME ON, nobody's gonna' trust somebody who doesn't cut there fingernails but gets manicures- 'sighs' oh well. Oops forgot to tell you, it's Saruman, in case you hadn't guessed.  
After he got there Saruman greeted him by saying "Gandalf, I am your father"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" shrieked Gandalf.  
"Take a chill pill man! I was only joking, I just watched Star Wars for the fifth time, it's my fave. Movie!" Explained Saruman  
Gandalf thought he said that ominously but he didn't know why, it might been the way he touched his fingernails together and grinned. He was the head of the Order after all so Gandalf trusted him without a further doubt.  
"Anyway," said Gandalf "I have found the ring."  
"Oh good!" Exclaimed Saruman "we can discuss it in my office, over a nice cup of very fine British tea!"  
"Great I need something to warm me up after that FREEZING ride, why do you live so isolated man? You should come par-TAY with the rest of the middle earth, instead of staying at home and watching Star Wars!" ranted Gandalf.  
"Calm down, calm down!" Saruman yelled "I have just met a new guy, I'll show him to you after you tell me about the ring."  
So Gandalf went and drank tea and explained the whole story to Saruman as best he could. Since a promise was a promise Saruman was forced to show Gandalf his new friend, the big, fiery eyeball he had met via the palantir, (defenition: palantir (n) the middle earth version of the internet.) Anyways Gandalf didn't like this big fiery eyeball, he told Saruman that he needed to break up with this big eyeball, no matter how fashionable his sparkly blue mascara was. This annoyed Saruman because the eyeball was his only friend and the only person attracted to him in all three ages of middle earth. So Saruman turned evil and got into a cat fight. Saruman said that Gandalf wanted him to break up with Sauron so that Gandalf himself could have a relationship with this big fiery eyeball. Gandalf claimed that the reason Saruman wouldn't break up with him was because he had no friends, which, was true.  
So with one thing and another Gandalf ended up on the roof, that's what happens when you get into a fight with an all powerful wizard 'shrugs' oh well.  
About the second day that Gandalf had been stuck on the tower he noticed that all the trees were being cut down and Saruman yelled "I'm gonna build a fortress for Sauron, just to prove how much I love him!!!"  
The fourth day Harry Potter came riding up on a Hipogriff, looking confused and said, "Oh shit! Well you're the closest person to serious black I can find, so take the Hipogriff and escape! And since I'm fictional I can teleport my self back to Harry potter land and try it over  
"COOL!!!!" Exclaimed Gandalf, and without further ado he jumped on and rode off into the sunset. What an idiot, he's gonna have burns for days! ************************************************************************ 


	2. The wizard formerly know as Gandalf

The Wizard formerly known as Gandalf  
  
N/A I'm too lazy to start this chapter from the council of Elrond. Besides, it's boring!!! So I'm gonna' start from the scene were Gandalf falls off the cliff, fighting the Balrog (also know as my sister) Disclaimer: I own nothing, my sister took it all  
  
"Fly you fool's" said Gandalf. Frodo was smoking a cigar until he realized I was writing about him and then cried out "Gaaaaaaaaandalffff" and went back to smoking.  
Meanwhile Gandalf was falling, falling, falllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllliiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg g, ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aa. . . zzz. . .zzz. . .zzz. . .  
  
Oops sorry didn't get enough sleep last night ( Anyway getting back to the story. Gandalf was stabbing the Balrog, until the it managed to choke out,  
"All I want to do is get into some snow, this flame is burning my ass off, LITERALLY!!"  
"Ooooooh" said Gandalf, feeling sorry for this poor creature, without further ado they climed the tallest tower, and Gandalf threw the Balrog onto the snow where the fire got put out, and then the Balrog ran around away to pursue a career in making fire hoses. Gandalf, was tired, he was an old man and he had to climb 5,543,648 stairs just to get up there! Sooooo he lay down and to quote the holy book a.k.a The Lord of the Rings, each day felt like a million years, finally Gwaihir the wind lord pick him up and said, "Gandalf, my old fried, gray is Soo not your color you need to be wearing white I've already ordered the robes from Wizards Warehouse!"  
When Gandalf got his new robes, he decided he needed a new name he decided on a symbol but we'll just call him The Wizard formerly known as Gandalf (for convenience). Gandalf also got a white pimp cane with a diamond on top. He also got some Nikes, the official foot ware of LOTR. The next step was to get to Fangorn forest before Legolas,Gimli and Aragorn, which would be hard because they were already at the edge of it, but with his new shoes he ran REALLY FAST and then cussed because he forgot about Shadowfax. REVIEWS FOR THE POOR, NO PUN INTENDED, I don't own anything remember ( 


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